the urbane league

With the NFL training camps opening up in a matter of days (Dallas Cowboys, July 25) I started thinking about who I thought were in my top 5 of offensive skill players by position. Now it’s hard for me to really explain to you the algorithm I use to attain “my fave 5” (T-mobile, please don’t sue me), so I’ll just say it’s a amorphous combination of skill level and what I anticipate production to be for upcoming season. I’ll start with quarterbacks and cover a different position with each subsequent post, until I’ve gone over QB, RB, WR, and TE/H-Back. So without further ado, put your hard hats on, I’m fittin’ t’drop some knowledge on ya.

QUARTERBACKS

1. Tom Brady – Ol’ boy only tossed 50 salads last year while only throwing 8 pickles. Now I don’t anticipate anywhere near a repeat this upcoming season, but he still has Randy Moss (who snatched 46% of those touchdowns), Wes “Westin Whopper” Welker, and Ben Watson. Brady is still no worse than the second best signal caller on the planet (it’s really a matter a preference in the Brady v. Manning debate) and now we’re finally seeing what he can do with weapons around him. Add in his iron clad offensive line, which protects him from everyone not named Uminyora or Strahan, and Brady seems poised to have another 4,000+ yard campaign, and uber-efficient year in the pocket. Especially, with Wes Welker doing WHATEVER HE WANTS in the slot. You can say all you want about teams “adjusting” to Welker, but that’s all a wash. First of all, with Moss on the same field, Welker will never be any defensive coordinators primary concern. Secondly, Welker is better than almost any nickel back he’s going to see this upcoming season. Who knows, maybe if Belicheck remembers that he’s actually a decent coach and doesn’t need to cheat, he will try to maximize Chad Jackson’s potential to give Brady yet another weapon to target this season.

2. Peyton Manning – 4,000 yards and 31 touchdowns last season. There’s only one word to describe it; “Peytonian.” Ok, I know I made that up, but what’s new? For as much as I hate his collegiate coach for costing Michigan the outright national title, and for as much as I reveled in all of Peyton’s post-season futility until he slayed the “mighty” Bears, I will say, nobody else has been more of a picture of regular season consistency. What earns him the number two spot on my list is the fact that he showed last season that he could get it done with just one real weapon. Marvin Harrison is an “X factor” though (I apologize effusively for the hackneyed expression). I hear he’s running without pain now, but the issue is if he’ll have the stamina to outrun possible gun charges. Either Peyton is even better than we all thought, or Reggie Wayne is just an absolute monster…I’m leaning towards the latter. Either way if Reggie plays the whole season and Addai doesn’t miss significant time, look for Peyton to jockey his Colts to probably another 12-win season with another Pro Bowl caliber season.

3. Tony Romo – aka Pretty Ton’ had (statistically) the best season by a Cowboy quarterback in franchise history. Romo threw for over 4,200 yards and 36 touchdowns, not bad if you ask me. All the talking heads are fretting over Dallas’ not picking up another playmaker to fill Glenn’s potential void on the other side of T.O. That’s when I say, Romo put up those numbers last year WITHOUT Terry Glenn. Some say it’s time for Crayton to step up. In actually, last season was Crayton’s year to step up. Whether Crayton does or not, look for Romo to have yet another brilliant season, and to leave the rest of the NFC’s quarterbacks in the dust. The reason the rest of the league should be on notice of Romo is that there is a possibility (check that, four possibilities) that Romo explodes and has an absolutely incendiary season. Their names are Felix Jones, Miles Austin, Sam Hurd, and Danny Amendola. Those are the names of the four players who, if they blossom (Jones out of the backfield, Amendola in the slot, or Austin/Hurd on the outside) could really give Romo a bona fide third passing weapon. If those guys pan out, Romo will be able to play a much less cavalier game and rely on his teammates.

4. Carson Palmer* – I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Carson Palmer is the best, young, prototypical passer in the game right now. The asterisk signifies that Chad Johnson has indeed read the fine print and realizes that he stands to hemorrhage obscene amounts of cash, if he doesn’t cut the jibbah-jabbah and just get back to abusing defensive corners on, the, regular. The tandem of Johnson and Houshamazilla could be the best in the league. Palmer must be incredibly frustrated with the dysfunctional nature of his team and Chris Henry’s awe-inspiring stupidity. If Henry had just a slightly less intense penchant for handcuffs, Palmer would be out there throwing dimes all over the field. I really do feel sorry for Palmer, because when you think about it, between injury, arrests, and just flat out selfishness, the offensive corps that surrounds him is nowhere near what it could be. His toolkit could have theoretically included Ochenta y Cinco, T.J. Houshyo’mouth, Chris Henry, at the one, two and three receiver spots; Rudi Johnson, Chris Perry and Kenny Irons out of the backfield. Wow. Palmer will find a way to get it done though, especially since he goes into every game with the same mindset Peyton did early in his career “Welp, looks like we gotta put up 40 to win it.”

5. Derek Anderson – Derek Anderson. Wow. Last year wasn’t necessarily so big in absolute terms; but it came from a Browns quarterback? (I can just hear Wise LeBron in the back saying fondly, “Mm! There ain’t been nothin’ that good since Bernie Kosar.”) The other surprising part was that everyone (including Brown’s management) had written off Anderson, and were just viewing him as a place warmer until Lady Quinn was ready to assume the position—I’m sorry throne. What does Anderson do, he comes out and tosses for about 3,800 yards and 29 touchdowns. The funny part is, there’s no decision to really make until contracts expire because the total value of Quinn’s deal is only about $22M. This means the Browns can keep him until Anderson’s performance starts slipping, then they can just draft another quarterback in the first round to give him a kick in the rear and push Quinn one more spot down the depth chart. A great credit to Anderson’s break out season should go to the blossoming of one Braylon “B Easy” Edwards. Had it not been for Randy Moss’ season for the ages, Braylon would have had his first season as the league’s top touchdown wideout. Anderson also got a brand new shiny toy in Donte’ Stallworth, who will probably fill (upgrade is probably more like it) the spot opposite Braylon which was occupied by an aging, oft-injured Joe Jurevicius. It doesn’t seem risible to me to expect Anderson’s numbers to improve.

Honorable Mention: Ben Roethlisberger – Big Ben passed a lot more in the redzone (I know, I had Willie Parker in fantasy) than any of us would have expected a Steeler quarterback to, and that definitely added to him close to doubling his average per season TD total last season. The drafting of Limas Sweed would lead you to believe that there’s more passing on the horizon. However, I point to a healthy Willie Parker teaming up with the stout Rashard Mendenhall, coupled with Tomlin embracing the Steeler tradition and perhaps pulling the reins on the gun slinger and going back to what the Steelers do best; resulting in Big Ben’s red zone attempts going down. Also, with the loss of Alan Faneca, run blocking will probably be easier than pass protection for this unit.