the urbane league

You know the routine:

1. Randy Moss – Seen below doing his best gynecologist. If this was a list for most complete or most physically imposing, he wouldn’t be number one, but it’s not, and he is. Randy reeled in 23 touchdown passes last year, needless to say (but I will anyway) tops in the league. I hate to say I told you so, but I was sitting on my couch (quelle surprise) a little earlier than this time last year laughing at all the talking heads question whether Randy still had “it.” Well two weeks later Randy clocked a 4.25 in a forty yard dash during a personal workout in Florida; and I’m fairly certain it was non-wind aided. If you have the attention span (and intestinal fortitude) to keep reading my shit as time goes on, you’ll no-doubt “hear” me say that forty times for receivers aren’t everything. Well what I mean is forty times aren’t everything unless you’re talking about Randy Moss. Why? Because Randy is the only receiver I’ve ever seen who plays the game THE EXACT SAME WAY all of us did as kids; no hitches, no slants, no outs. Just you blowing by the guy in front of you and hauling in the big fish. The Patriots still play in the worst division in football, so I don’t really anticipate any sort of problem for Randissimo, and with Tom Brady pulling the trigger, this isn’t fish in a barrel, it’s Long John Silver’s…Y’arrr, Genius!

2. Terrell El Dorado Owens – Please understand that this is not a homer pick. I definitely believe that Owens is the second best receiver in the league. Over the last two years nobody can touch his kind of production; about 2,600 yards and 28 touchdowns. “Oh but what about the drops?!” Well, in case you forgot, TO has never had the best hands, he wasn’t just crying because he made the game winning catch, if you remember he had 6 or 7 drops in that game to that point. So all you people who LOVE to bring up his drops as if it’s the most original idea need to cool it. We won’t even go into the fact that two years ago (when he dropped 3 touchdown passes alone) that he had a torn ligament in his ring finger…oh and by the way, he still lead the league in touchdown receptions. So if I’m a T.O. hater, I’m not exactly bagging on his hands, because chances are, he’s already better than whoever your favorite receiver is. So yes, he drops “a ton” (1 drop per game, during his worst drop season two years ago) of balls, but clearly the ones he does catch, he does big, big things with; as evidenced by his 16.7 yard average (Moss was 15.2, Chad Johnson was 15.5).

3. Reggie Wayne – Yeah. I really enjoyed seeing Reggie Wayne assert himself last year. For quite some time, people (myself included) just looked at Wayne as a felicitous beneficiary of having Marvin Harrison on the other side. Well, not so much anymore. Though he doesn’t have the pure speed of Moss, or the power of Owens, Wayne is a great blend of the two. In his first season with no Harrison on the other side to garner the double coverage, what did Wayne do? Go out and lead the league in receiving yards with over 1,500. What about Chad Johnson? I hear you, but Johnson has always had the benefit of Houshmanzadeh on the other side (whom I think we’ve all seen is much better than we thought) and last year we saw what Wayne could do on his own. Not to mention, for a little while there, Johnson had Chris Henry as well. The other reason I put Reggie Wayne right here is his consistency. We all saw Moss get shut down in some games last year, but if you really think about it, you don’t ever really see that happen with Reggie Wayne. Wayne goes out week in and week out and produces, whether he’s the no.1 or the no.2 and whether or not he’s got adequate help on the other side.

4. Chad Johnson – I’m really starting to believe that old adage, “A lie told often enough, becomes the truth.” Chad Johnson really has people convinced, that he is just the most complete, dominant receiver in the game right now. It is in the same vein as Li’l Wayne repeating over, and over, and over again that he’s the “best rapper alive.” I mean they’re good, but they’re not the best. Chad Johnson talks a HUGE game for a receiver who has pulled down 10 or more touchdown passes exactly ONCE in his career (and that was back in 2003 when he had his career high of…well…10). Just to put it in perspective, Houshmanzadeh pulled in 12 touchdown passes last year, his career high. Houshmanzadeh had a breakout season last year (112 catches, 1,100 yards and 12 touchdowns), and I’m convinced it’s because the Bengals focused on him and not Chad. I’m not going to say that Houshmanzadeh didn’t benefit from having Johnson on the other side, but what I am saying is, who’s to say that had the roles not been reversed (as in had Johnson not come in as the higher draft pick) that Houshmanzadeh couldn’t have been stringing together monster years? What Chad Johnson does give you is a lot of yardage. He’s a high volume guy; a lot of catches, a lot of yards, but the touchdown production is just not commensurate with all the talk. Johnson and Reggie Wayne have both been in the league the same number of years and I’m fairly certain Johnson only has 2 more touchdown catches than Reggie Wayne who had to play second fiddle to Marvin Harrison until last season, when he had over 100 catches, over 1,500 yards and 10 touchdowns (by the way, Wayne’s career high is 12 touchdown receptions in 2004). So Chad Johnson is good, but he needs to calm down, because to put himself out there as if he’s the biggest game-breaker suiting up right now is laughable. However, I do think he will get his balls together and re-establish himself as a premiere receiver in the league next year; especially given the fact that Houshmanzadeh has been coming into his own as of late, and Chad doesn’t want to be outdone.

5. Marques Colston – I REALLY, REALLY wanted to put Braylon Edwards here, and with the kind of year he had last season, I probably would have been justified. However, given that monstrous year, as well as the fact that he will continue to be the no.1 for Cleveland, means he’s probably going to see much tighter coverage. Marques Colston, on the other hand had a huge season for a rookie; 70 catches, 1,000 yards, and 8 touchdowns in only 14 games. Colston put the league on notice with his rookie campaign, the league got ready last season, and Colston punched it in the mouth even harder, to the tune of 98 catches, 1,200 yards and 11 touchdowns. Colston is simply unreal. Armed with one of the league’s most brilliant offensive minds in Sean Payton, the possibilities for Colston are limitless. He’s a huge body, who covers all kinds of ground for his size, and I think people lost sight of him because of the sub-par season the Saints had last year. Last season also showed that Colston is the real deal, too often, guys have a breakout season, then when they have to deal with being the focus of coordinators, they fold. Colston has shown that he’s deserving of every accolade he gets. New Orleans better get smart and give him his money this season because all signs point to him being an indominable force for quite some time to come.

Honorable Mention: Braylon “B Easy” Edwards. As I stated earlier, I wanted him at no. 5, but it came down to the fact that I trust Sean Payton’s offensive genius more than whoever runs the Browns’ offense, as well as the fact that last year was Braylon’s first big year, if he can come back and do it again next season, then I will probably move him ahead of Colston simply because of his ability to make the circus catch, as well as his game-changing speed.