4 all the hoopla

I’m really getting tired of this Brett Favre story that’s been dragging on since the first time he contemplated retirement. The only thing that annoys me more is all of the talking heads who speak as if Favre can do no wrong; all of them reiterating the catch phrase “Favre has earned the right to do this.” Wrong. Favre had earned the right to take as long as he needed to make the decision, but I wholeheartedly disagree that he has earned the right to retire in March, contact the team in late May saying he wants to play again, change his mind when the team wants to talk to him about it, then contact them again July to start the same thing all over again. I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again, Brett Favre is not bigger than the Green Bay Packers.

I read a comment on a message board at the end of one of ESPN’s innumerable stories on this never-ending story which had the audacity to call Brett Favre, “the greatest quarterback to play the game.” Just take a moment and let the pure, unadulterated lunacy of that statement wash over you…kinda makes you feel like Tim Robbins escaping from prison in The Shawshank Redemption, huh? (500 yards of sewage, think about it). Not that it has anything to do with this story, but the author of said comment was also a Michigan State Fan, go figure. Anyway once I had gotten the taste out of my mouth, I sat and I thought to myself, “How can anyone seriously make that statement?” Then it hit me, they’d probably have to have never watched any football for themselves and must just base that statement over what they’ve heard about Brett Favre from the media. Nobody gets passes from the media like #4, and honestly if you just listened to the Chris Bermans and Tom Jacksons of the world, you would believe that Favre was no worse than the second best quarterback ever.

Before I lose some of the less objective readers, I’m not saying Favre wasn’t over the course of his career a good quarterback who put together some great seasons (8 by my count), but I am saying (and only because I can’t speak for all of history) Brett Favre is the most over-rated player of my generation (I’m 24, 25 in December). Brett Favre has been a starting quarterback since the second game of the 1992 season. 16 years as a starter, 16, and only 8 times did Favre finish the season with a quarterback rating of 90+. I’m not saying that’s not good, but the way they talk about him; you would think he was Football Jesus. Just to put that in perspective for you, let me ask you this question, “What does that say for the other half of his seasons as a starter if half of his career was spent playing 90+ (93.9 to be exact) rated football, but his career quarterback rating is an 86?” For you non-mathematicians, it means [holding average attempts constant, of course] he spent the other half of his career playing 78 rated football, not that impressive, in case you weren’t sure.

We all know that quarterbacks’ careers are evaluated by a completely different standard than every other position; Super Bowls and consistency. Except for Brett Favre, he is only measured by his consecutive games started streak, and how warm and fuzzy he makes mainstream America feel (as long as you don’t think about his alcoholism and addiction to pain killers, but that’s neither here, nor there, America prayed for him and he-no, WE got through it together…thank the lord). So let’s do something totally radical, let’s evaluate Brett Favre the same way we would any other quarterback in the NFL [gasp!]

Let’s start with how we look at every other “pantheon player” (I really like that Josh), Brett Favre has (drum roll) one Super Bowl victory (cymbal?). Yes, boys and girls the talking heads may give you the impression that he’s won many more, but it’s just one, right there with Kurt Warner, and Trent Dilfer, in recent history. But really think about that for a second. EVERY quarterback from Eli Manning on who is lucky enough to win one Super Bowl, will have just as many as Favre. And people love to slurp the fact that he’s played so long, I don’t necessarily see that as a good thing, I say “you’re supposed to be “the greatest” and in 16 seasons as a starter, you managed two trips to the Super Bowl and one win?” I look at people giving Brett Favre dap for his iron man status the same way I look at people giving Hines Ward dap for his blocking. They just really like the guy, but they know they’ve gotta have something other than the numbers, otherwise all the love just wouldn’t make sense.

People are quick to throw out that Favre is tops in touchdown passes and tops in yardage. Both points are taken, but those same people love to conveniently omit that he is also tops in interceptions, and most importantly, tops in ATTEMPTS. Doesn’t it stand to reason that if you’re a good quarterback, and NOBODY in the history of the league has ever attempted more passes than you, then theoretically you should be number one in completions and yardage? This is another thing that it’s important to note, Dan Marino, who has all the “longevity statistics” Favre has been surpassing; a) NEVER had teams around him like Favre did, and b) Only completed 59.4% of his career attempts. That being said, Favre has less than 300 more career passing yards than Dan Marino on 401 MORE attempts. Again, for the non-mathematicians, that’s less than three-quarters of a yard for every additional attempt. We economists would call those piss-poor marginal returns. Marino, by the way, with his almost two decades with weak supporting casts and a sub-60% career completion percentage, managed a career quarterback rating of 86.4

Let’s look at efficiency. As I mentioned before, his career quarterback rating (which is the best holistic measure of efficiency we’ve got) is an 86 (or 85.7 to be exact). Again, I’m not saying Favre wasn’t good (great at times, awful at times) but here are some stats I want you to consider, in relation to the way Favre is lauded. We’ll skip Peyton Manning; 10 years, 94.7 rating, and Tom Brady; 7 years starting, 92.9 rating, and point out some other characters you might have just assumed Brett was just leagues better than, in terms of efficiency. This is done by looking at how the quarterback rating said player has posted since becoming a starter (I understand some have missed time due to injury or sucking, but understand the beauty of efficiency as measured by the quarterback rating is that it isn’t affected by time you’re not playing; it’s strictly a measure of you on the field. So it gives you an idea of what these guys do while they’re on the field. Jeff Garcia; 9 years, 87.2 rating, Donovan McNabb; 9 years, 85.8 rating, Kurt Warner; 9 years, 93.2 rating, Brian Greise; 9 years, 83.6 rating, Chad Pennington; 6 years, 88.9 rating. Those are just the active players.

Lastly, Favre has thrown so many interceptions, it almost makes his consecutive games streak a true testament to how over-rated he is. Favre has thrown 20+ interceptions in a single season five times in his career (including a career high of 29 two seasons ago). 20 interceptions is a nightmarish season for any quarterback most quarterbacks wouldn’t get the opportunity to throw 20 picks 5 times in a career because they would’ve already been shown the door. But not Brett, he’s “gunslinger,” whatever that means. Where I’m from, 20 interceptions in an NFL season either means you’re a rookie, you can’t understand the playbook, or you can’t read coverages. Favre didn’t start as a rookie, and only threw 13 interceptions his first year as a starter, while completing 64.1% of his passes (which, until last season, was his second highest completion percentage ever). So that means that in the 15 years of starting since his second year in the league, Favre throws 20 picks once every 3 seasons…wow. I know a lot of you are going to point out (well at least the ones who do their homework) that my boy Tony Romo threw 19 interceptions just this past season. That is true, and that is indefensible. That being said, Romo also did throw 36 touchdowns, and finished with a quarterback rating of 97.4. So if you’re going to throw 20 picks, you better have a helluva lot of touchdowns to go with it, to maintain a high efficiency. Favre on the other had had quarterback ratings of 72.2, 87.8, 74.7, 90.4, and 70.9 in each of his campaigns when he eclipsed the 20 interception mark. So let’s just cool all this talk about Favre being the greatest.

Favre was good, but not so good that he can treat the Packers like some girlfriend with low self esteem. He only brought them one Super Bowl, which at the end of the day, is all that matters. And I’m pretty sure one Super Bowl is less than the number of backbreaking interceptions he’s thrown in post-season play. Brett Favre is no linkJoe Montana, and if the 49ers could part ways with him, the Packers can most assuredly part ways with Favre.

my fave five: tight ends

This category is more complicated than I thought it would be. This is because there are tight ends, and there are h-backs and not all having the same job descriptions. Some are asked to more than others, so it doesn’t always seem fair to “penalize” a player for something the team doesn’t ask him to do, but then again, those who excel in receiving and blocking should be commended. So I don’t know if I’m really changing the way I’m evaluating tight ends as opposed to the way I evaluated the other skill players, but here goes.

1. Jason Witten – I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that this is a homer pick, but I’m being completely honest. If I had to pick who I felt to be the most complete, productive tight end in the league, I’d have to go with Witten. Witten was victimized by his circumstances in the ’05 and ’06 seasons when he had to be held in to help block for the highly immobile and slow-moving Drew Bledsoe. In those two seasons, Witten’s production took a big hit. Last, season however, Witten had the best statistical season in franchise history. Witten hauled in 96 catches for 1,145 yards and 7 touchdowns. Witten is also a superb run-blocker, so much so that the Cowboys who carry fullbacks on the roster, line Witten up in the backfield as a blocker for Marion Barber. I also believe that on any other team, Witten would have augmented touchdown totals, but with Terrell Owens and Marion Barber on the same roster, Witten doesn’t get the red zone looks he would otherwise. I know he’s not the freakish physical specimen that Antonio Gates is, but as far as production and blocking-and maybe I’m still scarred from watching Witten outrun Michigan’s entire secondary in his last Citrus Bowl-but as far as the total package goes, I’ll take Witten all day.

2. Tony Gonzalez – I know a lot of you all are sleeping on the man, but let’s not forget that he revolutionized the position, and after revolutionizing it, has really yet to be outperformed by anyone. The only reason I put him behind Witten is that Witten is younger, and the fact that Gonzalez benefitted last season from being Kansas City’s only real option for most of the season. Without Larry Johnson, Damon Huard was new as a starter, and though he’d been in the system once you get into game situations, you’re still nervous and everyone knows that a solid tight end is every quarterback’s best friend (after a solid offensive line). Gonzalez had by all measures an amazing individual season last year and despite his age, continues to abuse defenses on a regular basis. Tony Gonzales had 99 catches, 1,172 yards and 5 touchdowns. In a less than stellar season for the organization, Gonzalez was a bright spot for the Chiefs, and with Larry Johnson reportedly healed from his foot injury, the drafting of Jamaal Charles to help the run game, along with the fact that Croyle will be using Gonzalez as his personal training wheels in the pass game, look for Gonzalez’ production to be comparable to what it was last season.

3. Antonio Gates – For being the physical specimen he’s supposed to be, I don’t think Gates’ production really matches all the talk. Listen, I LOVE Gates, I’m still getting over the fact that he didn’t play football in college, and he does present match-up nightmare for most teams, Gates caught 75 passes for 984 yards and 9 touchdowns last season. Given the fact that for the last five years, San Diego has not had any real receivers other than Gates, the fact that he’s only ever gone over 1,000 yards once shows me that he’s more of a red zone specialist. I also think that Philip Rivers’ development as a quarterback, coupled with Malcolm Floyd and Vincent Jackson blossoming as wide outs could lead to Gates finding it a bit more difficult to get to 1,000 yards, or it could in fact lead to him seeing more relaxed coverage, it’s really going to rest on how healthy Tomlinson is and Rivers’ ability to recognize favorable coverages for Gates when they’re there.

4. Kellen Winslow Jr. – Last year was really Winslow first year that he even came close to living up to all the bloviating he’d been doing about himself. Winslow had 82 catches for 1,106 and 5 touchdowns, but unfortunately for him, he was overshadowed by Braylon Edwards’ coming out party. Since he’s been in the league, Winslow Jr. has been running his mouth about how he feels he’s the best tight end in the league, I guess you always want a premiere receiver to have that kind of swagger and confidence [see: Bill Bellamy talking to mirror in Any Given Sunday], but I just can’t help but shake the feeling that somebody needs to remind Kellen that he may not even be the best receiver in his family. I just think that for the class of guys who play the same position as he does, he needs to go ahead and have more than one good season before he starts letting everyone know just how good he thinks he is. I will be looking to see how Winslow performs next season. Now having Donte’ Stallworth should take even more pressure off of Winslow giving him more opportunities. To me, Kellen Winslow has all the physical gifts to be a perennial standout, but he just needs some more time to put it all together I guess. I see only 5 touchdowns but I feel as though his touchdown total should be higher than that given that he should be a redzone threat.

5. Chris Cooley – Washington’s only big target (until this off-season), Cooley has benefitted from being a primary redzone option for the ‘Skins. Cooley and Clark are kind of the same kind of player, and even though Cooley didn’t score as many touch downs as Clark (few receivers did), he also doesn’t drop as many passes as Clark does. I also believe that in the true spirit of relativity, if Cooley played for the Colts, he would put up better numbers than Clark does (as would everyone else on this list) and if Clark played for the ‘Skins, he wouldn’t put up the same kind of numbers as Cooley. Cooley (as well as Winslow) is more of an h-back which to me is just a euphemism for him not being the strongest of blockers. Cooley lives for third downs and rarely comes up short. He’s not a volume producer, and that necessarily impacts my putting him a bit lower than the other guys, but top five is nothing to scoff at. However, his numbers are right on the cusp where there are some guys nipping at his heels. Most notably; Dallas Clark, if he can increase his yardage, and Owen Daniels [the young buck for the Texans], if he can increase his touchdown production.

Honorable Mention: You’d think I’d give this to Dallas Clark, but I’m going to go with Algernon Darius Crumpler. Don’t forget, I’m also taking into consideration next season, and I honestly believe that the fact that the Titans didn’t pick up any bona fide wide receivers this off season is great for Crumpler. Crumpler will reprise his role as the primary receiver on a team lead by a playmaking quarterback. With Vick’s incarceration, McNabb’s injuries, and Tarvaris Jackson in jeopardy of losing his job, Vince Young is the next closest thing to Vick left. Tennessee really doesn’t have any go-to wide receivers, and Vince Young will be working with a new offensive coordinator…remember what I said earlier quarterbacks still looking to get comfortable love their tight ends. Add to that what Crumpler learned from playing with Vick; when the pocket breaks down, just go, that ought to lead to more busted plays turned into large gains for the titans.

what’s all the fuss about?

Listen, I understand-at least fundamentally-what the aversion is to steroids, you don’t want young athletes getting the message that steroids are a viable alternative. But let’s be serious, I look at issues the same way as I do these anti-smoking campaigns and anti-drug campaigns. I didn’t smoke cigarettes and I didn’t take drugs, but it wasn’t because of any of those programs. Kids who want to smoke are going to smoke, and kids who want to will, that’s just the way it is; and steroids are the same way.

As far as the professional athletes, who cares? Let them do what they want. I mean, it just seems odd to me to draw the line at hgh, but all the other supplements they take are alright. People make that argument about it being disrespectful to the history of the game. I hear that, but I also know that on the whole, humanity doesn’t change, and if the things that are available now, were available back then, you can believe those athletes would have been all over it, the same as athletes today. You also have to realize that this performance enhancing craze is a ramification of sports going from pastime to industry. With all the money that we now pump into our professional sports, the stakes are no longer the same. When professional football started, the players had to get jobs during the off-season, now we’ve got NFL players being handed rookie contracts big enough to set their entire families up for life.

With athletes getting bigger, faster, stronger with every generation, the envelope keeps getting pushed further and further, and certain athletes feel they need something to keep them in the race and I for one, have no problem with it, because in the end, it’s just more entertaining for all us fans. I know people don’t want to hear it, but come one, do we really believe that Shawne Merriman and Rodney Harrison are the only NFL guys doping? Or that Lance Armstrong, against one of the most notoriously dirty fields in all of professional sports won seven CONSECUTIVE Tours de France…AFTER beating testicular cancer on the up and up? That Clemens’ fastball gained 6 mph in at the end of his 20 year career? That in one season, Bonds doubled his season average of home run balls by chance a couple of seasons after McGuire hit 71? It sounds bad to say, but some athletes stand to gain quite a bit…just ask Mr. Ankiel.

However, the thing you’ll notice about a lot of the athletes above is that they were already great players. I’m not saying that steroids didn’t help Clemens and Bonds, but what I am saying, is that were nobody taking steroids, they would probably still be at the top. That being said, here are a couple of professional athletes I think “should take/should have taken” designer steroids, because clearly whatever they’re doing isn’t working.

1. Andy Roddick: Between Roger and Rafa, there’s nothing left for Andy. Roddick has won all of one grand slam title (2003 US Open, I believe) and hasn’t been anywhere near relevant since. I’m not familiar with tennis, or designer steroids, but all the undeserved accolades that were showered upon “the next great American male tennis player,” just magnify how awful he is. At this point, ol’ boy’s gotta try something because all the attention and focus of all the American tennis world is still on him; and at this point, it’s just getting embarrassing. It’s to the point where ESPN should just save time and only tell us if Roddick actually does advance past the second round of any grand slam, as opposed to constantly reporting his early exits.

2. Freddie Mitchell: You might remember FredEx, as the loudmouthed former Eagle wideout who you can’t remember ever really being effective. Mitchell was surrounded by greatness, and he himself was just a scrub. Mitchell was drafted 25th overall in the 2001 draft, ahead of Reggie Wayne, Steve Smith, Chad Johnson, and TJ Houshmanzadeh. All of them have since gone on to become some of the elite, or close to elite receivers in the league, and most importantly are still in the league, while FredEx managed just 90 catches, 1,200 yards and 5 touchdowns in his 4 years with the Eagles. 5 touchdowns in 4 years, as a first round pick playing opposite of Terrell Owens, one of the most prolific receivers in league history. The embarrassment doesn’t stop there, Mitchell was also a high school baseball player, and one of his teammates; current Philadelphia Phillies stud, Chase Utley…yeah.

3. Barry Zito: Zito is in the second year (I think) of a 7 year $126M. This season, he’s about 4-12, with about a 5.6 ERA. He finished last year 11-13, which I guess isn’t a disastrous record. It only matters if you’re a team’s ace who makes $18M a year…oh wait. Imagine that, everyone knows you’re last contract made you one of the highest paid pitchers in the game, and since you signed it, you are 15-25. That’s enough to have anyone sweating like Patrick Ewing in the 4th. Being a terrible pitcher is ok, but being a terrible RIGHT after you sign a hundred million dollar deal is not. And what’s more, is the way he got terrible. Terrible consumed Zito faster than that flesh eating bacteria got Jim Henson. Maybe Barry needs to get on whatever regimen Clemens was on, cause he needs some ‘W’s…bad.

4. Darko Milicic: There was only one player drafted ahead of Milicic; LeBron James. Milicic went before Anthony, Bosh, Wade, David West, Leandro Barbosa, and Josh Howard to name a few. Last season, Darko put up 7 points and 6 rebounds per game. That’s a lot of stars and superstars to be in the same class as. I didn’t even mention the serviceable players like Kirk Hinrich, Kendrick Perkins and James Jones who went in the same draft. You’re seven feet tall and weigh almost 280 pounds, yet all you can come up with is 7 points and 6 rebounds a game…after being billed as the next Nowitzki. Now, I don’t really think that Bavarian cream puff is anything to write home about, but I most definitely think he’s an elite player in the league, and I most definitely wouldn’t call him a bust at where he was selected (I want to say 9th). It is clear that the comparisons to Dirk were both premature and overly ambitious, at this rate, I think Darko will be lucky if he can even be mentioned in the same breath as Mehmet Okur (just for the record, I like Okur). It’s time for Darko to step up [inject] and prove that he wasn’t a wasted pick. I think a steady cocktail of hgh and Jagermeister (aka angry juice) should help Darko develop the athleticism and mean streak needed to assert himself as a worthy inside presence.

5. Julius Jones: After bursting onto the scene his rookie year, Julius Jones had been one of the soft spots on the Cowboys’ roster. Jones rushed for 813 and 7 touchdowns in only 8 games as a rookie, and all signs pointed to him being Dallas’ next franchise back and the next in a line of gems discovered by Parcels outside of the first round. However, in 5 more games the next season, Jones only rushed for additional 180 or so yards and two fewer touchdowns. The blossoming of Marion Barber III only augmented Jones’ lack of tenacity, toughness and production as a runner. Barber electrifies Cowboy Nation with displays of ferocity from a running back one would expect from a linebacker, what’s more, Barber NEVER gives up on a run. Jones blamed his lack of productivity on Parcels’ stifling of his creativity. Well, last year was his big chance to prove himself, and well, Barber made the Pro Bowl. Maybe Jones needs a little “boost” to help him finish off those runs so that the fans in Seattle don’t soon realize that their “soft running back problem” is still a very real truth.

Kids, don’t at all take this as an endorsement of performance enhancing drugs. These are professionals with millions of dollars, reputations and pressures you cannot imagine. I’m merely suggesting a way out of their humiliation and embarrassment. Stay in school.

my fave five: wide receivers

You know the routine:

1. Randy Moss – Seen below doing his best gynecologist. If this was a list for most complete or most physically imposing, he wouldn’t be number one, but it’s not, and he is. Randy reeled in 23 touchdown passes last year, needless to say (but I will anyway) tops in the league. I hate to say I told you so, but I was sitting on my couch (quelle surprise) a little earlier than this time last year laughing at all the talking heads question whether Randy still had “it.” Well two weeks later Randy clocked a 4.25 in a forty yard dash during a personal workout in Florida; and I’m fairly certain it was non-wind aided. If you have the attention span (and intestinal fortitude) to keep reading my shit as time goes on, you’ll no-doubt “hear” me say that forty times for receivers aren’t everything. Well what I mean is forty times aren’t everything unless you’re talking about Randy Moss. Why? Because Randy is the only receiver I’ve ever seen who plays the game THE EXACT SAME WAY all of us did as kids; no hitches, no slants, no outs. Just you blowing by the guy in front of you and hauling in the big fish. The Patriots still play in the worst division in football, so I don’t really anticipate any sort of problem for Randissimo, and with Tom Brady pulling the trigger, this isn’t fish in a barrel, it’s Long John Silver’s…Y’arrr, Genius!

2. Terrell El Dorado Owens – Please understand that this is not a homer pick. I definitely believe that Owens is the second best receiver in the league. Over the last two years nobody can touch his kind of production; about 2,600 yards and 28 touchdowns. “Oh but what about the drops?!” Well, in case you forgot, TO has never had the best hands, he wasn’t just crying because he made the game winning catch, if you remember he had 6 or 7 drops in that game to that point. So all you people who LOVE to bring up his drops as if it’s the most original idea need to cool it. We won’t even go into the fact that two years ago (when he dropped 3 touchdown passes alone) that he had a torn ligament in his ring finger…oh and by the way, he still lead the league in touchdown receptions. So if I’m a T.O. hater, I’m not exactly bagging on his hands, because chances are, he’s already better than whoever your favorite receiver is. So yes, he drops “a ton” (1 drop per game, during his worst drop season two years ago) of balls, but clearly the ones he does catch, he does big, big things with; as evidenced by his 16.7 yard average (Moss was 15.2, Chad Johnson was 15.5).

3. Reggie Wayne – Yeah. I really enjoyed seeing Reggie Wayne assert himself last year. For quite some time, people (myself included) just looked at Wayne as a felicitous beneficiary of having Marvin Harrison on the other side. Well, not so much anymore. Though he doesn’t have the pure speed of Moss, or the power of Owens, Wayne is a great blend of the two. In his first season with no Harrison on the other side to garner the double coverage, what did Wayne do? Go out and lead the league in receiving yards with over 1,500. What about Chad Johnson? I hear you, but Johnson has always had the benefit of Houshmanzadeh on the other side (whom I think we’ve all seen is much better than we thought) and last year we saw what Wayne could do on his own. Not to mention, for a little while there, Johnson had Chris Henry as well. The other reason I put Reggie Wayne right here is his consistency. We all saw Moss get shut down in some games last year, but if you really think about it, you don’t ever really see that happen with Reggie Wayne. Wayne goes out week in and week out and produces, whether he’s the no.1 or the no.2 and whether or not he’s got adequate help on the other side.

4. Chad Johnson – I’m really starting to believe that old adage, “A lie told often enough, becomes the truth.” Chad Johnson really has people convinced, that he is just the most complete, dominant receiver in the game right now. It is in the same vein as Li’l Wayne repeating over, and over, and over again that he’s the “best rapper alive.” I mean they’re good, but they’re not the best. Chad Johnson talks a HUGE game for a receiver who has pulled down 10 or more touchdown passes exactly ONCE in his career (and that was back in 2003 when he had his career high of…well…10). Just to put it in perspective, Houshmanzadeh pulled in 12 touchdown passes last year, his career high. Houshmanzadeh had a breakout season last year (112 catches, 1,100 yards and 12 touchdowns), and I’m convinced it’s because the Bengals focused on him and not Chad. I’m not going to say that Houshmanzadeh didn’t benefit from having Johnson on the other side, but what I am saying is, who’s to say that had the roles not been reversed (as in had Johnson not come in as the higher draft pick) that Houshmanzadeh couldn’t have been stringing together monster years? What Chad Johnson does give you is a lot of yardage. He’s a high volume guy; a lot of catches, a lot of yards, but the touchdown production is just not commensurate with all the talk. Johnson and Reggie Wayne have both been in the league the same number of years and I’m fairly certain Johnson only has 2 more touchdown catches than Reggie Wayne who had to play second fiddle to Marvin Harrison until last season, when he had over 100 catches, over 1,500 yards and 10 touchdowns (by the way, Wayne’s career high is 12 touchdown receptions in 2004). So Chad Johnson is good, but he needs to calm down, because to put himself out there as if he’s the biggest game-breaker suiting up right now is laughable. However, I do think he will get his balls together and re-establish himself as a premiere receiver in the league next year; especially given the fact that Houshmanzadeh has been coming into his own as of late, and Chad doesn’t want to be outdone.

5. Marques Colston – I REALLY, REALLY wanted to put Braylon Edwards here, and with the kind of year he had last season, I probably would have been justified. However, given that monstrous year, as well as the fact that he will continue to be the no.1 for Cleveland, means he’s probably going to see much tighter coverage. Marques Colston, on the other hand had a huge season for a rookie; 70 catches, 1,000 yards, and 8 touchdowns in only 14 games. Colston put the league on notice with his rookie campaign, the league got ready last season, and Colston punched it in the mouth even harder, to the tune of 98 catches, 1,200 yards and 11 touchdowns. Colston is simply unreal. Armed with one of the league’s most brilliant offensive minds in Sean Payton, the possibilities for Colston are limitless. He’s a huge body, who covers all kinds of ground for his size, and I think people lost sight of him because of the sub-par season the Saints had last year. Last season also showed that Colston is the real deal, too often, guys have a breakout season, then when they have to deal with being the focus of coordinators, they fold. Colston has shown that he’s deserving of every accolade he gets. New Orleans better get smart and give him his money this season because all signs point to him being an indominable force for quite some time to come.

Honorable Mention: Braylon “B Easy” Edwards. As I stated earlier, I wanted him at no. 5, but it came down to the fact that I trust Sean Payton’s offensive genius more than whoever runs the Browns’ offense, as well as the fact that last year was Braylon’s first big year, if he can come back and do it again next season, then I will probably move him ahead of Colston simply because of his ability to make the circus catch, as well as his game-changing speed.

!!!

Is this thing on?! Does anybody speak any English?! Why is everybody looking at me like I’m crazy?!

Those are actually just some song lyrics, but I think they actually convey how I feel about this NBA off season thus far. I don’t remember an offseason like this with so much significant movement. And Elton Brand, ooooooh, I ain’t seen nothin’ that shady since Carlos Boozer. But in all seriousness, this free agent period was way more interesting/tragic than I anticipated.

It started with a rash of opt outs by some pretty big names. I was wondering why this would happen, but then when you consider the likes of the players who will be coming up in 2009 and 2010, Kobe, Iverson, McGrady, LeBron, Rasheed Wallace, Yao Ming, Dwayne Wade, Michael Redd, Dirk Nowitzki, Steve Nash, Amare, Manu, Chris Bosh…you get the idea. So it seems to me the players who opted out realized they better go ahead and get while the gettin’s good, because in the next two years the watering hole is going to dry up for lesser players. I understand that some of the players I listed will resign before they even hit free agency, but then again, nobody thought Elton Brand or Baron Davis would opt out.

Let’s start with Elton Brand. Elton Brand is a moron. “Philly suits my tough grind it out style,” he says. Bullshit, more like the West is too hard and I’m only concerned with making All Star teams and making a ton of cash without having to deal with the pressure of expectations. Brand spends all summer telling the Clippers that he just wants some help; they draft Eric Gordon (who I’m actually not sold on, but still). Reports were out that he specifically wanted the Clippers to target Baron “Boody Doo” Davis, they make it happen; then he promptly splits town. I’m going to borrow a term from a well spoken friend of mine, “What a pussois.” Brand turns down an offer from the Clippers to take $82M (which actually turned out to be $79.795M), and his excuse was “Oh, it’s closer to home, and I’m expecting my first child, and I want my baby’s grandparents to be close.” Elton, that’s fine, it’s not like for $80M you couldn’t fly the whole extended family out to the west coast once a month, but that’s neither here nor there. The problem I have is that as of two weeks ago, “your intent was to resign with the Clippers,” it’s not as if you didn’t know you had a baby on the way, or that California is about a six hour flight away from the New York. Those aren’t great truths humanity has just recently stumbled upon, you knew those things when it was supposedly your intent to stay in L.A. And it wasn’t just for the money because, the Clippers were giving you comparable money. So where does that leave us? With Brand being soft & selfish? Perhaps. But at the end of the day, what else would you expect from a Blue Devil? Somebody should tell his agent that it’s just poor Brand management. But don’t let all my hating fool you, as far as “seemingly” good guys (because nobody really knows these guys) I still feel Elton Brand, the person, is still good in my book…and $80M is $80M.

Baron Davis, I feel sorry for. I’m not saying he wouldn’t have gone to L.A. just for the money (he wasn’t going to see that kind of money from anyone else) but Brand no-doubt was a selling point in getting Boom Dizzle to sign. Now, I don’t know any of these guys, and I’m pretty sure I couldn’t call up Baron Davis if I wanted to, but my name also isn’t Elton Brand. I don’t think it would be impossible for Brand to call Davis (directly) and saying something to the effect of, “hey man, I’m out.” Again, I don’t know either of these guys, and Brand may have very well done that, and if he did, I commend him for not screwing a franchise as well as one of my favorite players in one fell swoop. All I know is, just watch Baron Davis and the newly minted member of the German National Hoops Squad (Chris Kaman) to do some things if they can stay on the court together.

From bone-headed player moves, to bone-headed organizations, the Milwaukee Bucks reportedly will re-sign their center to a 5 year $72.5M extension. Why are you looking at me like that? Ohhhh you don’t know who their center is. Andrew Bogus—I mean Bogut is all set to become the highest paid Aussie in the league. Think about that, an average of $14.5M dollars per year, [in contemplation] hmmm 14.5, 14.5 why does that number seem familiar? Oh I know, because that’s about how many points per game he averaged last season. I just don’t even get this, if you’re going to break the bank in keeping one of your stars, at least let it be someone you already know someone else is going to drop the bank on, but Andrew Bogut? This is like when Isiah drafted Renaldo Balkman because he “was certain” the Suns were going to draft him with the next selection. When asked about Renaldo Balkman, the Suns GM responded, “Who is Renaldo Balkman?” GMs all around the league most be pissed. All kinds of marginal players and their agents are going to show up and say, “Well Andrew’s dad gave him $72.5M!” Actually the more I think about it, it’s just funny; Elton Brand is only worth about $1.4M/year more than Andrew Bogut. Bogut better thank that agent, get him a Patek Philippe, or send his kids to college, oh wait, he already did.

my fave five: running backs

Welcome to part deux of “my fave five” series. Let’s take a look at who I expect to be the best 5 ball carriers (no homo) for next season. Again, let’s understand these rankings are mostly spewed from my rectum, but they land on a confluence of circumstances, skill level and production. Let’s hit the ground running…sorry.

1. Adrian Peterson (Minnesota, jackass) – [Cómo?!] Yes, “AD,” not “LT.” Besides just being an ABSOLUTE MAN, Peterson will be the only reliable offensive play in the Vikings’ playbook. The Vikings are really the Bears of two years ago, they’ve got a great team, just no [real] quarterback. Unless John David Booty is this year’s Ben Roethlisberger, or Tarvaris Jackson channels his inner Randall Cunningham, expect the NFC North to just get punched in the mouth week in and week out by Adrian Peterson. I hear your concerns about his durability, but you should consider that Peterson always gets dinged up, he’s used to it, and he always comes back and most importantly it doesn’t affect the way he runs, you hear that Shaun Alexander? The other reason Peterson is number one, is that we know how he deals with injury, LT got injured last postseason, and I still can’t shake that image of Tomlinson just sitting on the bench in Indy while Philip Rivers kept playing on one leg. Then there’s the little thing about Peterson going for just over 5.5 yards per carry last year…yeah, like I said ABSOLUTE MAN.

2. LaDainian Tomlinson – The guy most of you would have probably had number one. It’s like Jermaine said in “The Jacksons: An American Dream,” “Second’s not all bad, it’s not like we lost.” To which Joe Jackson retorted “Second is losing, now go get a switch.” And I imagine if Tomlinson looked at this list, he would feel the same way. Tomlinson is still the prototypical running back and over the first ‘n’ years of his career, you’d be hard-pressed to find many in history who have outperformed him. LT also led the league in rushing last regular season, but as I said earlier, it’s that image from last post-season I can’t shake. Additionally, I honestly—and leave a comment if I’ve just had a brainfart—but, I cannot remember Tomlinson ever being injured (or at least so injured that he couldn’t play). That really makes me wonder, whether he’ll be able to come back without any hesitation or temerity. The other reason I drop him a shade behind Peterson is that the Chargers young receivers have gotten better and I anticipate the coaching staff opening it up a bit more for Rivers to take it to the air. Now here is the one disclaimer; if I’ve in fact gotten it backfield’s capacity for genuflection backwards and Rivers, not Tomlinson is the one who is having issues with his knee, then expect the Tomlinson run until he can’t anymore.

3. Clinton Portis – Yeah I know, weird right? But think about it, with a majority of the other running games in the league going to two-back sets, Portis is one of few lone feature backs left, and I don’t see any reason for him to regress from last season (Portis was #6 in the league in rushing last season). In fact Washington binged on wide receivers during the off season and if any of them pan out, that could really help Portis rip off even more play action runs than he usually does. Now I know the ‘Skins will be breaking in a new head coach in Zorn, and with that a new system, but we all know that the easiest thing to do in the NFL is run the football, so even if Jason Campbell struggles to pick up the new system (which in my humble opinion is unlikely, given it HAS to be easier than Saunders’ 700 page “pamphlet”) you can bet three calls will be standard, “Jason, turn around and hand the ball to Portis,” “Jason, pitch the ball out to Portis,” “Jason, pass the ball to Portis out of the backfield.” Fact is, Portis is versatile as fuck, and it doesn’t much matter the system, and pardon the Ebonics, but he go’n git his. And all that two 1,000 yard backs talk needs to stop, you play your best running back until he’s tired, then you put in your back up until your starter is not tired anymore; and reports out of ‘Skins camp are that Portis is in the best shape of his career, so maybe Betts can spend some of his extra time helping with this flood relief back at Iowa.

4. Larry Johnson – This is probably my boldest pick. Given the fact that I just spent all that noise at pick #2 wondering if Tomlinson could come back from the injury that sidelined him last post season, and here I am showing confidence in a guy who missed the latter half of the season. Hear me out though, I just am really confident that LJ’s foot is all better, because the only bonus of going down with half the regular season left is, you have an extra half season to recover. Not to mention that the Chief’s draft selections were actually geared to help LJ. Unlike the Rams’ selections, which essentially is the reason I have LJ here, and not the Vegas Wunderkind. The Chiefs picked up Brandon Albert, who ALL the coaches were just drooling over at the All-Star games and camps. Now I hear all you yukmouths saying “but he’s a guard, and they want him to play tackle.” I say, “yeah, and?” Name me one player on the Chief’s O-line right now? Don’t worry, I’ll wait… … … Get my drift? That line blows, ask Trent Green (you know what never mind don’t, he probably doesn’t remember). The point is, even if Albert doesn’t work out at tackle, he can play at guard, and last I checked you need all five to block for a running back. The second thing the Chiefs did was pick up Jamaal Charles. Now, I hate this phrase as much as you pretend to, but this is an instance of “addition by subtraction.” Charles proved at Texas that he was an explosive runner (he also proved that he had no intent of showing up for final exams). Luckily for him, the only thing the Chiefs are going to ask Charles to do is spell Johnson, and by taking just a few of his carries away, the Chiefs will ensure themselves a fresher (or is it more fresh? Goddamned comparative) workhorse. And as we all know, a fresh horse won’t die on you at the end of a race…too soon?

5. Stephen Jackson – This one is actually going to be pretty short. Again, like Portis, Jackson benefits from not being a specialist and just flat out being the α male in the back field. Leonard had a chance to show the team some things while Jackson was out last season, but I think the Rams’ coaching staff knows what they’ve got in Jackson, and that’s a jack of all trades, a J.O.A.T [read: “jote”] if you will. And just like Peterson, Jackson stands to benefit if the quarterback play struggles. Marc Bulger STRUGGLED last season. Some say it’s because he’s getting old, some say it’s because he’s injury prone, I say it’s because he went to “school” at WVU, and he spells Marc…well you see how he spells it. And for those of you who are quick to point out their acquisition of Trent Green as an insurance policy, I ask you to reconsider. They brought Green in because Bulger maybe too old or too injury prone, well if you ask me, if there are two things we KNOW about Green, it’s his teeth are long, and given the last couple of seasons, the clap at the break of the huddle maybe enough for him to forget the play call.

Honorable Mention: Fast Willie Parker. Honestly, had the Steelers not drafted a pretty complete looking back in Rashard Mendenhall in the first round, Fast Willie, just may have made my list, but I really see him and Mendenhall (as running back is one of the easiest, if not THE easiest position to transition to the next level) being a true tandem. I don’t see anything overly complex about the Steelers pass protection that will keep Mendenhall sidelined very long.

That said, here are my top 5 tandems, since so many teams are going to a two back system. Here’s the only thing I’ve disqualified the backfields ranked above, only Parker and Mendenhall are eligible to make this list. These are the backfields that I anticipate will be pure tandems…I don’t mean exact 50-50, but the load will be shared or each back will be a specialist. I don’t provide explanations, just let it wash over you.

1. Fred Taylor & Maurice Jones-Drew

2. Brandon Jacobs & Ahmad Bradshaw

3. Marion Barber & Felix Jones

4. Willie Parker & Rashard Mendenhall

5. Joseph Addai & Dominick Rhodes

Honorable Mention: I wanted to put Michael Turner & Jerious Norwood on here (REALLY, REALLY bad), but alas, the Atlanta Falcons are REALLY, REALLY bad.

my fave five: quarterbacks

With the NFL training camps opening up in a matter of days (Dallas Cowboys, July 25) I started thinking about who I thought were in my top 5 of offensive skill players by position. Now it’s hard for me to really explain to you the algorithm I use to attain “my fave 5” (T-mobile, please don’t sue me), so I’ll just say it’s a amorphous combination of skill level and what I anticipate production to be for upcoming season. I’ll start with quarterbacks and cover a different position with each subsequent post, until I’ve gone over QB, RB, WR, and TE/H-Back. So without further ado, put your hard hats on, I’m fittin’ t’drop some knowledge on ya.

QUARTERBACKS

1. Tom Brady – Ol’ boy only tossed 50 salads last year while only throwing 8 pickles. Now I don’t anticipate anywhere near a repeat this upcoming season, but he still has Randy Moss (who snatched 46% of those touchdowns), Wes “Westin Whopper” Welker, and Ben Watson. Brady is still no worse than the second best signal caller on the planet (it’s really a matter a preference in the Brady v. Manning debate) and now we’re finally seeing what he can do with weapons around him. Add in his iron clad offensive line, which protects him from everyone not named Uminyora or Strahan, and Brady seems poised to have another 4,000+ yard campaign, and uber-efficient year in the pocket. Especially, with Wes Welker doing WHATEVER HE WANTS in the slot. You can say all you want about teams “adjusting” to Welker, but that’s all a wash. First of all, with Moss on the same field, Welker will never be any defensive coordinators primary concern. Secondly, Welker is better than almost any nickel back he’s going to see this upcoming season. Who knows, maybe if Belicheck remembers that he’s actually a decent coach and doesn’t need to cheat, he will try to maximize Chad Jackson’s potential to give Brady yet another weapon to target this season.

2. Peyton Manning – 4,000 yards and 31 touchdowns last season. There’s only one word to describe it; “Peytonian.” Ok, I know I made that up, but what’s new? For as much as I hate his collegiate coach for costing Michigan the outright national title, and for as much as I reveled in all of Peyton’s post-season futility until he slayed the “mighty” Bears, I will say, nobody else has been more of a picture of regular season consistency. What earns him the number two spot on my list is the fact that he showed last season that he could get it done with just one real weapon. Marvin Harrison is an “X factor” though (I apologize effusively for the hackneyed expression). I hear he’s running without pain now, but the issue is if he’ll have the stamina to outrun possible gun charges. Either Peyton is even better than we all thought, or Reggie Wayne is just an absolute monster…I’m leaning towards the latter. Either way if Reggie plays the whole season and Addai doesn’t miss significant time, look for Peyton to jockey his Colts to probably another 12-win season with another Pro Bowl caliber season.

3. Tony Romo – aka Pretty Ton’ had (statistically) the best season by a Cowboy quarterback in franchise history. Romo threw for over 4,200 yards and 36 touchdowns, not bad if you ask me. All the talking heads are fretting over Dallas’ not picking up another playmaker to fill Glenn’s potential void on the other side of T.O. That’s when I say, Romo put up those numbers last year WITHOUT Terry Glenn. Some say it’s time for Crayton to step up. In actually, last season was Crayton’s year to step up. Whether Crayton does or not, look for Romo to have yet another brilliant season, and to leave the rest of the NFC’s quarterbacks in the dust. The reason the rest of the league should be on notice of Romo is that there is a possibility (check that, four possibilities) that Romo explodes and has an absolutely incendiary season. Their names are Felix Jones, Miles Austin, Sam Hurd, and Danny Amendola. Those are the names of the four players who, if they blossom (Jones out of the backfield, Amendola in the slot, or Austin/Hurd on the outside) could really give Romo a bona fide third passing weapon. If those guys pan out, Romo will be able to play a much less cavalier game and rely on his teammates.

4. Carson Palmer* – I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, Carson Palmer is the best, young, prototypical passer in the game right now. The asterisk signifies that Chad Johnson has indeed read the fine print and realizes that he stands to hemorrhage obscene amounts of cash, if he doesn’t cut the jibbah-jabbah and just get back to abusing defensive corners on, the, regular. The tandem of Johnson and Houshamazilla could be the best in the league. Palmer must be incredibly frustrated with the dysfunctional nature of his team and Chris Henry’s awe-inspiring stupidity. If Henry had just a slightly less intense penchant for handcuffs, Palmer would be out there throwing dimes all over the field. I really do feel sorry for Palmer, because when you think about it, between injury, arrests, and just flat out selfishness, the offensive corps that surrounds him is nowhere near what it could be. His toolkit could have theoretically included Ochenta y Cinco, T.J. Houshyo’mouth, Chris Henry, at the one, two and three receiver spots; Rudi Johnson, Chris Perry and Kenny Irons out of the backfield. Wow. Palmer will find a way to get it done though, especially since he goes into every game with the same mindset Peyton did early in his career “Welp, looks like we gotta put up 40 to win it.”

5. Derek Anderson – Derek Anderson. Wow. Last year wasn’t necessarily so big in absolute terms; but it came from a Browns quarterback? (I can just hear Wise LeBron in the back saying fondly, “Mm! There ain’t been nothin’ that good since Bernie Kosar.”) The other surprising part was that everyone (including Brown’s management) had written off Anderson, and were just viewing him as a place warmer until Lady Quinn was ready to assume the position—I’m sorry throne. What does Anderson do, he comes out and tosses for about 3,800 yards and 29 touchdowns. The funny part is, there’s no decision to really make until contracts expire because the total value of Quinn’s deal is only about $22M. This means the Browns can keep him until Anderson’s performance starts slipping, then they can just draft another quarterback in the first round to give him a kick in the rear and push Quinn one more spot down the depth chart. A great credit to Anderson’s break out season should go to the blossoming of one Braylon “B Easy” Edwards. Had it not been for Randy Moss’ season for the ages, Braylon would have had his first season as the league’s top touchdown wideout. Anderson also got a brand new shiny toy in Donte’ Stallworth, who will probably fill (upgrade is probably more like it) the spot opposite Braylon which was occupied by an aging, oft-injured Joe Jurevicius. It doesn’t seem risible to me to expect Anderson’s numbers to improve.

Honorable Mention: Ben Roethlisberger – Big Ben passed a lot more in the redzone (I know, I had Willie Parker in fantasy) than any of us would have expected a Steeler quarterback to, and that definitely added to him close to doubling his average per season TD total last season. The drafting of Limas Sweed would lead you to believe that there’s more passing on the horizon. However, I point to a healthy Willie Parker teaming up with the stout Rashard Mendenhall, coupled with Tomlin embracing the Steeler tradition and perhaps pulling the reins on the gun slinger and going back to what the Steelers do best; resulting in Big Ben’s red zone attempts going down. Also, with the loss of Alan Faneca, run blocking will probably be easier than pass protection for this unit.

the life and times of m. beasley [read: ‘m dot’]

I’ll keep this one brief. Usually I have to wait until a few games get played to anoint my favorite rookie of each class. I gotta weigh attitude, how they handle the loftier level of play…pretty much I need to figure out if they’re bitch-made or not. But as I sit here eating a jar of honey roasted mixed nuts, I’ve already decided on my favorite (rookie & nut, they are one in the same), Michael Paul Beasley.

M. Beasley looked more like M. Bison as he was stompin’ on the Bulls’ heads (you remember the move) during the first summer league game. Beasley went on to drop 29 points in all of 23 minutes. It’s not even his point production that I love; it’s how primal, raw and spacey he is. Beasley picked up 3 early fouls and had to sit the entire second quarter; he played with brace over his cracked sternum, and sang during practically EVERY stoppage of play. That’s what I’m talking about. You’ll learn that I love players for exactly that type of ridiculousness; see Manny Ramirez and Gilbert Arenas (aka Gilbo Baggins).

Ratcheting up my enthusiasm is what I like to call the “GBFI,” Grab Bag Factor Index. You see, what has been less publicized is that is that Beasley went 1-13 from the field in his second summer league game…awesome. This kid’s got a little bit of Antoine “Babycakes” Walker in him. This means you never know what you’re gonna get, but as his demeanor rarely changes, you can always be sure you’ll get relatively the same Beasley you’re used to; hyjinx and hilarity. I’ll tell you what I like, he kept shooting the ball. Beasley is that kind of gangster cut from that cloth of greatness that believes “hey if you miss your first eight, the next nine gotta fall.” I love his carefree persona and how easy he makes the game look.

But in all seriousness, what’s most important is that Beasley only measures outcomes in team wins and losses, which means winning matters to him and he’s a team player. Honestly, Pat Riley, who wanted to geek the Bulls out of a stud, may have started all these “character concerns” about Beasley I think. I’m not saying that Rose won’t pan out, or even that when it’s all said and done, he won’t be better than Beasley, but I am saying that I will never like him more than Beasley…kind of like you’d be hard pressed to find anyone from his era I love more than Barkley.

state of the conFEDERERacy

Watching this past Wimbledon was one of the most exhilarating (and excruciating) sports championships I’ve watched in while. I will admit, I love Roger Federer so you can imagine how rough these last two tennis championships have been for me. After that straight beat-down Nadal put on Federer in the French Open, I thought Roger would come out, “en diable” as we Francophones say; but no. That match started as though Nadal was the one with the chip on his shoulder.

Federer had not dropped the first set at Wimbledon since 2004, but not only did he drop the first set on Sunday, he choked away the second (in fact, choke might be an understatement), it might be more appropriate to say that he regurgitated the second set, snatched defeat in that set from the jaws of victory. Federer did not look like at all like himself throughout most of that match. I believe he committed over 50 unforced errors, yeah 50+. This leads me to believe that Nadal is officially in Federer’s head. Even after the domination in the French, at least you could say that Federer has never beaten Nadal on clay, but after everybody and their mother picking Nadal in the Wimbledon Final, and then it actually happening with Federer making all those errors at key junctures really makes me wonder about Federer’s state of mind against Nadal. Rumor has it that Federer is supremely confident to the point of bordering arrogance, which is understandable when you’re about 12 Grand Slams deep and nobody in the last half decade has put their name on that trophy from the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club’s trophy. But, a 6-11 (or is it 6-12) record against Nadal has got to make Roger begin to wonder, “What’s really goin’ on?”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Federer is washed up, by any stretch, as a good friend (and hopefully future associate) of mine pointed out, Federer hasn’t missed a Grand Slam final in lord knows how long…and let’s not forget that he has been without a coach since 2003. I understand that, but I feel as though these losses Federer takes to Nadal are not really anything that can be attributed to strategy or fundamentals. The one thing you will notice if you have really been watching Federer vs. Nadal and Federer vs. Everyone Else, is that Nadal = Everyone Else +1. What I mean by that is that winners that Federer hits against everyone else, Nadal regularly gets to, and I don’t think Feder is used to it. This means that Federer is oft caught looking by some of the returns that Nadal sends back across the net. The reasons I think (“hope” is probably more accurate) Federer will eventually work this little, Capri-wearing, Mallorcan kink out are twofold; 1) Nobody makes the sport look easier than Federer, so maybe it stands to reason that maybe he hasn’t maxed out yet, and once we see him look like he’s physically exerting himself, we’ll REALLY be in awe of what he can do, b). He is so close to Samprass all time mark, that I think pure desire will be enough to get him over.

Regardless of whichever way this saga ends, we can all rest assured that we are probably watching the best that ever did it, and the way these two push each other is great for the sport of tennis; like Magic & Bird for the NBA, and Ali & Frazier for heavyweight boxing.

favre-a streisand

Doing his best Barbara Streisand, Brett Favre is yet again doing everything in his power to keep the media’s attention focused squarely on himself. Favre has been denying rumors that he (or his agent) contacted the Packers to feel out opportunities for his return. So what Brett Favre expects us to believe is that either someone just randomly decided to make up a story that he wanted to come back, and then leaked it to the media, or that his agent contacted the Packers behind his back…Right. It is clear that Favre has really been drinking the Kool-Aid on himself for quite some time now. This was evidenced by his replying to a reporter’s question a couple of years ago as to him “taking his time” to decide whether or not he was coming back; “What are they gonna do? Cut me?” This only shows that Favre truly believes that he is bigger than the Packer organization.

Favre has been holding the Packers hostage like this for years now, every season, the Packers can’t just go through a normal off season because little can’t make up his mind. Meanwhile the media just gives him a free pass to act like a spoiled, petulant child. The media drags all of America through this saga as if the fate of the NFL itself rested upon it. Past that, what Favre is doing is completely disrespectful to Aaron Rodgers. I’m not saying that Favre should take Rodgers’ feelings into consideration when he makes his decisions, but I am saying that he owes Rodgers (and the Packers for that matter) the basic decency of just making his decisions, shutting the fuck up, and moving on. If you’re going to retire, retire and go do whatever the hell it is you do in Mississippi, if you’re going to comeback, show up and put in the work with your teammates. All this pusillanimous sneaking around and contacting the organization behind closed doors, to see what the reaction would be if you wanted to come back is a joke.

Favre needs to remember that the Packers made him, not the other way around. He acts like the Packers were nothing before he got there. The Packers were, and will continue to be one of the league’s most storied franchises. Last I checked, Favre brought the franchise one (1) Super Bowl. Not Joe Montana’s four, not Terry Bradshaw’s four, not Troy Aikman’s three, not Tom Brady’s three. One, as in the same number Trent Dilfer brought to the Ravens and the same number Kurt Warner brought to the Rams. Favre can look at Rodgers like he’s a joke (and if you compare the resumes, he obviously is) but let’s go back to that Dallas game last year. Favre’s quintessential irresponsibility put the Packers in a hole early and it wasn’t until he had to sit out that Rodgers came in and managed the Packers right back into the game, until Favre, seeing how well Rodgers was doing decided it was much more important to try to log that elusive win at Dallas than let the kid quarterback the team to a win. Yes, I said it, and I’m a Dallas fan too. I didn’t feel a bigger moment of relief than when Favre came back into that game. It’s the 800 pound pink hybrid of an elephant and gorilla in the room that nobody wants to say, but Favre’s style does not suit this current Packer team, and that was illustrated in Dallas last year. He thinks he can just come out and throw the ball anywhere he wants and that it doesn’t matter if he fucks up because he’s Brett Favre, and what are they gonna do? Bench him?

Perhaps that’s the problem, Favre has grown overly irreverent. His sense of self is so overly inflated that he doesn’t think the rules apply to him. That’s what allows him to have the gall to hold up this whole franchise while he decides what he wants to do. I hope the rumor is true, that the Packers told him that they had moved on, and that they would not grant him a release. Favre needs to understand that though his career has been long, and he means a lot to that franchise, he is not bigger than the city, the fans or the league. This is just a man who loves to feel needed, and would genuinely dislike seeing Aaron Rodgers do well. That is how petty he is, after all the Packer faithful have given him, he would rather see them suffer without him. If the Cowboys don’t win the Super Bowl this year, my next most preferable turnout would be Rodgers taking the Packers all the way. It would be poetic justice and maybe—just maybe, it would temper Favre’s hubris; but I doubt it.