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Posts Tagged ‘White Uniforms

white power

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I was reading a post on where the author predicts an all maize uniform for our “big” games. And without seeing it, I’m not really going to comment, I actually could see how it would work given the right design. However, if I had to design an alternate uniform for us to wear, I would go with what I like to call the “hyper-whites.” We would don white jerseys with white pants, white socks, and (are you sitting down?) white cleats. The white cleats are absolutely critical to tie the whole aesthetic together. I know that both Oregon and Texas have hyper-whites, but I don’t think anyone could legitimately claim that we would be copying them if we unveiled one. Essentially, if Oregon and Texas’ hyper whites are fresh, mu’fuckah, ours would be RIPE[1].

Oregon tries too hard to be different, plus they’ve got that weird font for numbers (which I’m sure serves to emphasize physique…O-Line?). Texas does have the advantage in the sense that their helmets are predominantly white, but I think we could overtake them with some key design nuances on the jerseys. What would really dictate the aesthetic appeal would be the color of the numbers. At first I thought we could roll with yellow-excuse me-maize numbers outlined by blue, but then I realized that the maize and white would not be distinguishable enough, and it would take away from the white. So we go the other way (and get all the panties in Happy Valley in a bunch) and go with blue numbers with no trim. Where Texas has “TEXAS” printed above the numbers, we will just have the block ‘M’. There would be smaller block ‘M’s on the shoulder pads (facing up) and smaller numbers on the sleeves (facing out). As stated above, the pants would be all white, but real white, not that bathhouse see through that Miami broke out a couple of years ago; and there would be small, blue adidas logo on one of the front hips, probably the right. The idea of the white cleats is imported from world class soccer players. If you pay attention, only the most flamboyant wear white cleats. That would add just the right amount of flamboyance[2].

I’m perfectly happy with our uni situation as it stands, but if I had to add one alternate for the Notre Dame and Ohio State games, it would be a hyper white. Sorry MSU, but you don’t wear your dress whites to give your little brother a wet willie–where would you wipe your finger? Nothing else really conveys that sense of gangster like all white. Think about it; LeBron James on draft day? All white. The KFC Colonel? All white. That one guy in the Yakuza from the Simpsons episode where Marge got help from the mob for her pretzel business? All white. You get the idea.

[1] Wayne, Lil. 2008. Brand New. Happy Father’s Day: 2:24-2:26

[2] See: Billy “White Shoes” Johnson.


Written by misteressama

July 28, 2008 at 2:19 am

Posted in Sports

Tagged with , , ,